In celebration of a grand weekend this month, which saw my best friend marry the man of her dreams, well she did always love a guy in high-vis covered in grease, grim and sweat; so yes ‘dreams’ is an appropriate fit without a doubt, but he definitely is the man who makes her feel complete. It was a soaking wet, sideways rain, thunder rumbling, cyclonic winds and werewolf fog like fueled 48 hours that magically cleared one hour before walking down the aisle. And although the weather continued to tease and taunt us while the photographers had the bridal party voguing like professionals, it managed to stay rain free for the evening, even displaying sun through the clouds as the bride magically glided down the aisle oozing with enthusiasm and excitement and with a smile that would out do any dental advert, toward her equally excitable knight in shining armour who I have to say, scrubbed up better than the bachie in his final episode, (he even scrubbed off the grease for the big day). As loved ones, friends, family and venue strangers stood by watching a moment that will go down in the history books for us all as ‘one of the greats‘, we all were proud, touched and excited to say the least. So to you, an amazing, glorious, and supportive woman in my life, and to your new husband, congratulations on your special day.
But I couldn’t simply end the story and celebration there, not when my role as bridesmaid has so much more to share. As an experienced bridesmaid (yes, I am giving Katherine Heigl a run for her money….I am still unsure If I should be proud or ashamed of such accomplishments) I feel I should share some but not all, of the action that occurs behind the scenes that is rarely ever acknowledged, the advice and hot tips that can sometimes be so valuable to fellow bridesmaids.
Historian, Hanne Blank, author of Virgin, The Untouched History stated that traditionally the role of a bridesmaid was once used to protect the bride from evil spirits by walking down the aisle ahead of the bride to confuse the evil spirits or anyone wishing to harm the bride, just as a bride wore a veil to protect herself from been cursed by witches or demons. Heavy stuff right? Well I assure you, if this is true, I have successfully protected all my fellow brides from all evil and kept them at harm’s way and am potentially loaded with many dark and evil spirits. But today, I see the role of a bridesmaid to be that of the bride’s best support network who is there to love and support her decisions and ideas, assist the bride getting in and sometimes even out of the dress (if the groom just can’t figure it out), hold her gown up from the mud, for bathroom visits and for that one photo she dreams of perching in a tree on the branch overlooking a vineyard with the gown floating in the breeze (it will be a winning shot I just know it), assist in ensuring the lead up and big day go seamlessly and of course throw an absolute amazing bachelorette party. You are there to make this potentially stressful event an enjoyable process to always be cherished and celebrated for the years to come. So if you are invited to be a bridesmaid, feel honoured, blessed, excited and know you have an important role to play behind the scenes, your bride will love and cherish you for it I promise you.
So from the start, the big question. The phone rings….an excited voice starts humming the traditional ‘Here comes the Bride’ tune down the phone-line to me….I take a second to realise what this means….I reply “Are you? Did he?”….”YES!!!….” The how and where he proposed is explained in extreme detail, gushing with surprise and excitement. The phone call ends, and next the text comes through of the bling, an elegant and unique multi diamond ring handed down generations only to become the most significant ring a woman will own and burn into her memory. Now, as a good friend, one must sit quiet and not discuss this news until it is made public by the newly engaged. Finally, its Facebook official – time to express the joy through a collage of images that you have of this couple mainly to highlight they both definitely have some incredibly lovely but also equally embarrassing images together over the time their relationship has blossomed. Tag, tag , write a sentimental story, insert a thousand emoji’s and boom, your social media joy of the moment is shared with the world.
Next up: Sharing in a night at the Friday Footy, amidst the large crowd, I sit between my best friend and her future groom with all his rowdy mates. Us ladies talking more than watching the game, but definitely participated in the Mexican wave going around the stadium. My best friend than pop’s the question to me, taking me by surprise but definitely a welcome shock…..”I was wondering actually hoping, would you be my bridesmaid?”…..I think I replied with a hug and some sort of profanity to be honest cause I was shocked and excited to say YES. Immediately following this awesome moment, a football was kicked directly at us, I have to say the magical skills of her future husband saved it from beheading us….no one likes a bride with a busted lip or black eye. Thanks future groom – you have now proved your worthiness of such a title….this babe’s future husband!
So what now….well most brides go into planning mode, having already dreamed of this big day, most brides have an idea of how they want things to go or at least present? This bride – no, quite the opposite. She had no idea what she wanted, the dress style, the colour scheme, time needed to complete things and so forth so I have officially awarded her the ‘most cruisy bride’ I have ever had the pleasure of walking down the aisle for. She did however, know a month she ideally wanted to be married in. So we waited around for a few months, and then some while this bride seem to forget she was getting married until a fellow bridesmaid and I said kindly but gently, book a venue! Venues can book out 12 months or more in advance so gents, your woman is not been insane when she prompts you to consider a venue so early in the piece. This actually is highly recommended if you desire a popular venue for your special day, you need to jump on it or potentially wait another year. After the couple narrowed down a couple options, visits arranged, a decision was made and ta-da, a date set at a magical venue, a winery on the peaks overlooking some magical landscape.
Now for the next item, that also requires a lot more time than ladies seem to realise, ‘the dress’. Most major chains/designers will not take bride as a customer if it is less than 6 months to their wedding day. This white once-off gown takes more than a night to whip up, so allow yourself plenty of time to search, try on and if the store allows you, take photos of. This dress is the brides’ moment to step out and wow not only her groom but everyone in attendance and then later look at your family home plastered in wedding photos of her in that gown so she has to absolutely love it. But if I am honest ladies, your man will love you if you waltzed down that aisle in jeans and a shirt or better yet, taped up Ugg-boots and flannelette pyjamas – why? Because this guy already thinks you are worthy of keeping around forever and thinks you are a damn fine looking specimen to have by his side. So forget about what you think he will like for a moment and buy, borrow or make what you absolutely love. This is the fun part, get your bridesmaids and mum together for a special girls day out, pre-book (yes pre-book) your appointments at designers and stores where you would like to try on dresses, clink champagne and definitely book meal breaks, a girl has got to eat I tell you. To my fellow bridesmaids, please be gentle but honest with your bride on opinions around what she tries on. You may not love it, but it is not you wearing it and it is not your day. There are no rules, of course traditions but it is completely up to the bride should she wish to follow those traditions or create her own masterpiece that is unique to her and her groom. Fellow brides, your bridesmaids should be there to celebrate with you, tell you honestly if it does not suit your shape but they should not say anything negatively forceful such as “you must wear this”; “ you have to do this”; “you can’t do that”….and always, please ladies be courteous and polite to the store attendants. These attendants do this for a living and deal with all varieties of brides and their maids so their advice can be gospel or not so, but no one deserves to be spoken down to or over spoken when they are simply doing their jobs.
On our special girls day out, several stores and a boozy lunch was booked in, we only made it to the 2nd designer on the list, when a dress that was meant to be tried on just for some fun, resulted in our future bride walking out of the change room and instantly tearing up because she felt so magical and princess like. This became ‘the dress’! And boy oh boy, move over Victoria Secret’s models, this bride made walking down a run way look easy as the heads turned watching this bride float down the petal-laden aisle in ‘that dress’. Just to note due to finding the dress early, we cancelled the later appointments and us girls sat down to our boozy lunch, clinking wines and ciders, celebrating our morning of successful shopping (because it is always 10am somewhere in the world).
Meanwhile, on the groom’s side – suits needed to be organized. One morning in town, we believe probably even only one store visited, only to return home with an extremely confident response when ask if successful? “Yeh babe, all done, sorted, piece of p**s”. Men! Honestly they get it way to easy sometimes. So simple however suits for the groom and groomsmen were in order.
Over the next several months, our bride started to realise time actually was flying by and things needed to get done, so a checklist was made and together we all started ‘ticking boxes’ and ‘just getting things done’; our mantra from here on out those words would become. It is around this time, when the men seem to generally think women are crazy but remember for this wedding, I had already dubbed this bride the ‘most cruisy’ I had ever worked alongside, so for her to actually start ticking boxes little own make a list of to do items, we were still so far from bridezilla crazy. So what boxes needed to be ticked? A lot, and a lot more than most men and amateur wedding goers seem to think. Some things are easy and others little more time consuming: register the intent to marry, organise a registered celebrant, taste test and confirm all the food and wine at the venue (personally this is the best part – who doesn’t like a free wine?!), organise cars, sort accommodation, send ‘save the date’ notices out, invitations, book an amazing photographer, book hair and make-up stylists, taste test and book wedding cake (another favourite of mine…mmm delicious cake), plan flowers, venue décor, table centre-pieces, name cards, menus, and the list most definitely goes on.
But next up became the bridesmaid dresses – and eeek – this is another time when opinions can soar and this is about the time I remind my fellow ladies, your role as a bridesmaid is to support the bride and to make her day one of the most memorable in a positive way, not rattle off 10 demands of what you will and won’t wear and how you “must” have something this or that way. Your bride is your friend and you should have enough trust in her to know she did not ask you to be her bridesmaid so that she can make you look like a hideous olga (my apologies Shrek) standing beside her on the day. A bride will ask your opinion, again you can always be honest without been demanding or rude. I believe I have told each of my bride’s that I will wear a potato sack if I have to for them, I am there for my friend not for a dress or myself. For this day, our bride knew the colours and style she ideally wanted, so the hunt was on and so group messages were exchanged back and forth, thoughts, ideas, and images until one bridesmaid found a dress that fit all the requirements and made the bride beam with glee. It was confirmed we had bridesmaid dresses, we had shoes and we even had jewellery selected. *ticking boxes*.
Its craft time! Personally I like getting creative, give me your idea and I will give it a good ol’ crack and let’s see what I can create for you. Why pay exuberant amounts of money to have someone create something you can do with a little time, a good attitude, Pinterest and a fellow bridesmaid willing to put her life on the line to make your table centre-pieces and name cards perfect (yes, my finger had a run in with a Stanley knife and yes the knife may have won that round and yes there may have been wine involved but I assure you those name cards, bonbonniere’s, and table décor looked amazing and it was well worth the bridal workers bee weekend at my place). *ticking boxes*.
So fast forward some weeks, yes I’m cutting to the chase, but that time was not spent doing nothing I assure you, a lot was spent on hens party planning, preparations and celebrations (and you know one cannot share those details what-so-ever) but I want to discuss crunch time, when even the most cruisy bride can lose her shit and cave under pressure, but nothing a little wine can’t assist with I assure you. So it’s the week of the wedding, the bride has ticked so many boxes by this stage and yet still has so many more boxes to finalise. Our bride finishes up work for the week (hallelujah!) and begins every day thereafter with her to do list of final things to sort/ boxes to tick. This week the bride needs to get her hair presentable, keep her skin glowing, and get a flu (I swear its tradition, but in all honesty it is because of stress, that these Bride’s get sick so eat those greens and get your rest ladies). Payments need to be finalised if not already done so to all those people and venues you have booked. And completely ignore the cyclonic weather conditions outside with less that 48hours to your day.
So we are three days out, the bride’s best friend (bridesmaid number 2 aka fellow wifey) rocks up to the bridal home with the right ‘let’s tick some boxes’ attitude, raring to go as she darts from the car avoiding the rain, with her bags clinking away only to reveal champers galore. This bridesmaid’s duty was simple, help the bride finish preparing the venue, assist with the numerous last minute tasks, keep the bride hydrated (with bubbles of course), and ensure the bride enjoys the process. *Tick those boxes*. Notice I didn’t say tell the bride to “not stress” or “calm down”….why? These statements generally seem to heighten an already emotional and fatigued bride. How many people have told an extremely aggravated woman to “calm down” only to be met with more force and deathly stares than previous? My point exactly. Together these ladies accomplished a lot even amidst the horrendous weather outside.
My turn to show carrying precious cargo, “the dress”, and as always plans are changed and that is ok, plan B is always more exciting and adventurous than plan A anyways, so off I drive to meet them at the venue that is still been staged by Bridesmaid 2 and the Bride. I arrive to a clearly dishevelled bride who has let the weather finally break her to tears. Finally – our bride loses her shit – but only momentarily! Why finally? Better the day before than on the day ruining that gorgeous smiling face (my bride will look back now and laugh at those few minutes of tears so readers do not scowl at me for saying she lost her shit). The tears were wiped up quickly because this bride is strong and nothing will stall her, so another bottle of wine was shared out between the three of us and off we went again ‘ticking boxes’. In those couple of hours, the MOH (Matron of Honor) would arrive with the MOTB (Mother of the Bride) to check in on progress and remind the Bride nails were booked for that afternoon, I would get my craft skills on again and draw up blackboards upon request of the bride, baby breathes prepared in buckets along the aisle’s seating, and the moment the bride realises she had lost her shit – she rearranged a line of wooden hearts 1cm further to the left on a table, turned to me and goes “Oh shit I totally just rearranged something that honestly makes no damn difference” and the highlight for me, been able to record Bridesmaid number 2 standing out in the sideways pouring rain using the back of an axe to hammer into the ground, a handmade wooden sign that would tomorrow guide guests to the ceremony and reception locations – see, great bridesmaids have the bride’s back and will go above and beyond to ensure their bride gets their vision, notes down moments to reminisce later (or write in a public blog) plus keep the wine glasses full.
Where are the men you ask? Believe it or not….kranky as 2 year old that has not had their nap was our groom, having finished work late and in a state of panic (not that he would admit to this of course) was running around making sure he had all his bits and bobs needed and waiting on his best man to get a spiffy new haircut and beard trim so that they could be in town to pick up the suits. Time was of the essence but they swung by the venue on their way through to have a quick look, nod of approval given, add their final touches and away they would go to the hotel still with plenty of time to collect their suits and retreat to a boozy night ahead without the ladies present. Us ladies didn’t do too badly ourselves, we got the bride in for a mani-pedi, some food, a quick kiss and hug from her groom and then home to a warm house where a hot dinner that the MOH had ready on the stove and glass of bubbles poured. While the boys enjoyed the quiet hotel, us ladies enjoyed the sounds of children running through the house, glasses of bubbly been clinked and discussions of speeches, hair, make up, event proceedings, cars, etc etc….all while still ignoring that rumbling thunder, cyclonic wet and windy conditions outside, but all secretly praying for clear skies tomorrow.
Wedding Day! I once learnt, rain on a wedding day means that it is cleansing the past and preparing for a fresh new journey to commence, and personally I love that idea so I like to roll with that ensuring all my fellow bride’s that rain is a good sign and that storm clouds make great backdrops in photos. We woke to that same wet miserable weather but who cares, it’s wedding day, breakky in the belly, champagne bottles poppin’ like a rap video and the tunes playing as the make-up artist begins on one bridesmaid and rollers placed in all our hair by the hairdresser and her apprentices. Time had come to transform this bride from everyday glamour to bow-chicka-wow-oww princess bride. My advice on this day is don’t mention any unfavourable weather conditions and if the bride does, blow her off with a positive distraction, keep her excited and calm by not sharing any complications or issues– it will only stress or upset the bride. My other hot tip for the wedding day – have a bridal survival kit packed in a clutch – it will be the ‘go-to’ clutch of the evening; this clutch should house everything you can think of: hair pins, safety pins, deodorant, perfume, lipstick, foundation powder, mini mascara, mini eye shadow, blotter paper, party feet of various types, small sewing kit, Hollywood tape etc – basically you get the gist, fill it prepared for anything that can potentially go wrong so you can quickly save the day and get your bride and groom back on the dance floor without a scene.
Welcome stage left, the photographer. Let these talented individuals work their magic, they are magical creative creatures who do this for a living, they need minimal direction from anyone and will ask you if they require anything all the while making amazing memories for you to keep. Our brides’ hair and make-up was nearly complete, the photographer had taken an assortment of photos of the dress and bridal bits and bobs, now it was time to have our bride step in to ‘the dress’. Our photographer now has the floor, guiding us through the steps to not only allow her to capture some exciting moments but to ensure us bridesmaids have our bride dressed and ready. Our bride is ready. Call it a miracle if you shall, but as we are about to head to the cars awaiting in the front yard, the rain stops and the photographer beams, “quick, outside for photos now ladies”. We hitch up our dresses, collect our bouquets and gather up the bride’s train of white tulle, organza and satin and proceed to step slowly over muddy puddles and take the opportunity to snap some quick photos around the farm, this bride calls home. Peace and tranquillity as we smile and pose to sudden, GO TIME.
After pouring our bride into her car to travel with her father, us bridesmaids gather our things and pile into car number two and we are off just as the clouds part and the sun begins to come out of hiding. The anticipation builds, speculation on what dad could be saying, how our bride must be feeling as we watch her car in front of us drive the long open road. We make the right hand turn into the windy street that leads us to the big moment, the bridal car pulls over allowing us bridesmaids to take the lead and guide our bride to her groom. We drive past waving with excitement, our bride absolutely beaming with joy and anticipation. Minutes later we arrive at the venue, slowly climbing up the hilly driveway where we are met with equally excitable faces, guests meters away from where we pull up, all trying to sneak a view of our magical bride. It has come time for us to lead the way down the aisle. Rose petals been tossed in the air by niece and nephew, more on the guests then on the aisle floor only to momentarily be stopped with a small trip up but the show must go on and so up the children hop, bucket back in hand and petals continued to be scattered. The young handsome ring bearer is given his cue and the grey-man (you will read further on who that is) assists by encouraging our little man down the aisle, he darts down the aisle clutching the box of rings he has been instructed to take to daddy, again another small trip up, the ring box sent flying down the aisle but up stands our little man and the show continues. Children bring entertainment to this moment and they didn’t fail to deliver the entertainment on this special day. My music cue, and I am off down the aisle and in position, bridesmaid 2 down and in position, MOH down and in position and in full view is our magnificent bride and proud father gliding down the aisle. I will end the journey there as the rest is too magical to be shared, those who attended will forever cherish the celebration and remember their parts in such an enchanting evening.
I want to also take the time to thank those who sometimes go unnoticed but without them the day wouldn’t ever be complete. To the venue staff for your professionalism, guidance and consistent supply of wine (throughout the planning, venue prep and of course the big day); to the florists for your beautiful creations; to the photographers who artistic charisma make us all become professional models one way or another and capturing the moments that will last a lifetime; to the grey-man (this time the MOH’s husband takes the title) who ran all those last minute errands through numerous instructions via multiple texts, phone-calls and several women barking demands all at once – you hide in the background transferring bags, sparklers, children and more and even assure we had every brand of heel grips for those dreamed of heels; to the mother of the bride for ironing every child’s bridal outfit and god knows what else that morning and keeping the kettle on for my numerous amounts of caffeine I kept pouring down my throat; to the drivers for delivering the bride in style to her groom; to the MC of the night for bringing PG rated humor and wit to an evening that ran on schedule and to plan; to the groomsmen for scrubbing up, donning your Sunday bests to support your best friend in marrying an amazing woman and getting the groom to the alter; to the parents of the groom for welcoming the bride into your family with open arms and vice versa for the parents of the bride; to the family and friends who attended and showered the newlyweds in love and celebration throughout the event and beyond; to the hotel staff who cleaned up the mess after all of us the next day; to the staff at the recovery breakfast for having the coffee ready for our sore heads; to my fellow bridesmaids for helping keep the evil spirits at bay from our bride…
And lastly but most importantly to our bride and groom – the two people we are all happy and proud to call our best friends, our family, our loved ones. May your future be an adventurous journey that through the twists and turns humour will be shared, love will conquer all, tough times will be remembered as the challenges that you battled side by side and health, wisdom and dreams will be positive and most importantly experienced together knowing you will always have the love from us all.
Congratulations and a toast (yes more bubbles) to you both.
In love we glo….
K
xx
*Memory of ceremony (last image) captured by Andrea Thompson Photography. All other images captured by myself.
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