Month: November 2015

Dear Love,

Why are you the most diverse emotion a human can experience?  Why do make the human mind and body do unimaginable things?  Why do you force us to grow, change or expand beyond what we thought was ever possible?  How does one come to embrace you?  What must we do to understand you?  Dear Love….please answer us.

“Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding” – Diane Arbus

You make us experience joy and happiness that words cannot explain however sometimes unexpectedly you will show us your dark side and make us feel deep hurt and intense pain.  You can deliver smiles, laughter and memories that we revel in and you can make even the darkest days feel like warm sunshine on your face.   But during those dark times you can leave us with tears, emotional scars and questions without answers.

Love, you make us drive across town just to feel your warm embrace, touch and smell at any hour, night or day.  You can ignite a tingle in the stomach, a buzz in the heart and a slight sweat of the palms.   Because of you, we laugh at jokes that aren’t all that funny and change our body language without knowing around certain others.  We sometimes engage in the not so right things because you make us feel like it is so right.  You ignite passion in our hopes and dreams, driving us to strive for the best, face our fears and conquer the challenges we are presented with.  You drive us to think of the past, present and future.  Your effects remain embedded in our thoughts forever and because of you, the past can determine how we shape our future. With you Love, we find purpose within ourselves to never quit, learn from mistakes and make change.  You come in such an array of ways; it is hard to explain exactly what you are?   We always say because of you we feel how we feel and that you will conquer all.  We feel deeply connected to things or others sometimes forcing us to hold on to something for far too long.  Through life’s challenges you always present one way or another to try assist, guide or lead us like an encouraging push or sudden shove.  You suddenly become the scaffolding to our existence.

“Where there is love, there is life” – Mahatma Gandhi

Sometimes you cause us to unexpectedly change direction, experience challenging and difficult situations.  Everyone around believes “they know” how it feels, and because of you they offer their support.  Everyone knows you one way or another; we all have our stories and memories of you.  You have been a fundamental part of each of our lives but how you are a part of it differs greatly from person to person.  Worldwide you mark your presence in every waking moment.  Ask anyone, and they will say how they love the high and the rush you provide when you are been generous and positive.  But that dark side of you, has a strong bark and an even stronger bite.  When you are harsh, you make us crumble; even the strongest man can fall into an uncontrollable whimper.  You can make us feel like we have been kicked in the stomach or that our heart is physically broken in two.  The endless tears that surface without control, causing fatigue, headaches and a loss in appetite always make us ask who, what, why, when and how?  You can stay in this negative stand for varying lengths of time but one thing is for certain, you will work your charm on us again and we will come right back to your high.   For some, they will forget more easily your dark side, others not so much.  They may choose to remember your negatives and learn from them, proceeding in life with caution to avoid feeling that hurt you can trigger so well.

“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses”  – Lao Tzu

So, why is it we cannot live without you in our lives? What gives your four letters so much power?  How is it just saying your name can be such a daunting task for some, and yet others use it as a favorite in their daily vocabulary?   Musicians and writers of the world would be lost without you, as you either inspire them or impact them to show passion in their work.  Romeo and Juliet would not be the classic story it is today without your presence.  We believe we cannot live without you and without feeling the effects of your intense high, some of us feel incomplete and disheartened or lost in life.

Will we ever come to fully understand you?  Can we ever learn to ignore you or overpower you?  I feel we can only accept you and learn to adapt to the challenges, good or bad, that you present us with and have them help us grow into more resilient individuals.  The more we struggle with you, the harder our path becomes, so lesson learned is to open our minds and hearts and let you in, but remember to keep our eyes open to see the opportunities you are presenting us with.

“Love is all around us” – Love Actually

In love we Glo.

K.

 

 

 

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with anger, frustration and or exhaustion that when someone shares their opinion or direction that is opposite to yours, it suddenly is the straw that breaks the camel’s back?  You feel this warmth coming over your body, the head starts to gently spin, than a warm sensation fills your eyes.  Oh shit, I am about to start the waterworks, get out of public view, stat! Without any sense of control, your emotions escalate and you find yourself sobbing quietly in the work rest room.  In that moment, you question why you are here, crying, letting work get you this physically upset.  Than the self-talk kicks in, pull your shit together, you are better than this, stop crying and just get the job done, tomorrow is a new day.  You stand up, wipe your eyes, shake it off and walk back out to your desk.  So why do we experience this uncontrollable outburst?  It may not be waterworks and sniffles; it can even be the other extreme where you find yourself bellowing at someone, screaming things you should not do so in public, little own in a workplace.

Most times, it is not that actual opinion or action that has caused you to feel such intense emotions but more so several events in the lead up to that particular moment.  It can be a combination of stressful situations or challenging moments, sleep deprivation, personal matters and external pressures like deadlines or a helicopter manager that get us to that breaking point.  If we do not manage these stressful times, it can lead an individual to burn out.    According to Psychology Today there are several signs that you should watch for that can suggest you are on the path of burning yourself out, these include but are not limited to:

1. Insomnia.
2. Forgetfulness/ decreased concentration and attention.
3. Chronic fatigue.
4. Increased illness.
5. Anger.
6. Anxiety.
7. Loss of Appetite.
8. Physical changes (blood pressure, headaches and skin changes).

If you find you are experiencing these on a regular basis, you should not ignore them and listen to your body.  It is a strong signal that you need to take a step back and allow the mind and body to recharge.

In an ideal world, whenever we get extremely stressed, a relaxing holiday or day of “me time” would be fantastic however with the pressures to live comfortably, provide for the household/family and or fear of job loss, finances etc. that is not always an option.  So what can you do to try alleviating some of the pressure before you get to the end of your tether and have that silent sob in the work bathroom, explode with outrage in a work meeting or arrive home barking orders at your family members?  Firstly, we are all only human and we all have different breaking points so it is important that you listen to your body and mind when feeling stressed, and if you yourself struggle to identify signs you are displaying, it is than possible that your partner or colleges may have observed some behaviour changes. If they have, they may be asking if you are ok? In that case, ask yourself “Am I ok?”

So you have identified you are stressed, how do you calm yourself?   You may find your emotions heightening, at that time perhaps excuse yourself and try one of the following:

• A short gentle walk by yourself outside in the fresh air may help you to pause and reset yourself. Exercise releases endorphins (they trigger our positive feelings in the body).
• Listening to music via your headphones can assist in blocking out noises/ conversations around you that inhibit your ability to focus. Music in general can positively influence mood, so some tunes that make you feel good, or focused are great to have on hand.
• Take ten minutes to catch up with a close college, enjoy a coffee at the café or even just a cup of tea in the kitchen. Talking through things with friends can assist you in feeling not so alone in a stressful situation and potentially open your mind to other methods of completing the task you had not yet thought of.
• Taking 5-10mins to do something you enjoy or are simple tasks. Stop the stressful task for a moment to enjoy some ‘quick-win’ moments to help you feel more on top of things.

Sometimes, although these tips may help us get through that moment, we still may find ourselves quite stressed and emotional at the end of the day.   Some may go home angry and frustrated whilst others exhausted and emotional. If this is the case than perhaps you need to address the issues causing this.  If it is a momentary experience due to the deadline at work that is pressing, perhaps plan a small reward for yourself come the end of that deadline.  A weekend away, a nice dinner with friends, a massage, or a treat for yourself in whatever you enjoy (reading, shopping, sports, adventure etc.).    Additional recommendations that you should consider during times are stress are to make sure you look after your health.  Avoid skipping meals, keep hydrated, take vitamins where necessary and any medication a professionals have advised.   Regularly participate in exercise; even a 20 min light walk is beneficial for the mind and body and lastly find something you enjoy that you can do often and easily to help you always take your mind off the stressful events.

Remember stress it part of all of our lives but it is how you manage the situations around you that determine how it will affect you.  Should you experience ongoing stress and symptoms of burn out on a continuous basis than you could consider speaking with a professional who can assist you in working through the challenging times.

Always Glo and you will succeed.

K.

Apart from the bad English, this sentence is one of many that companies are currently communicating to their employees in an attempt to politely say, “We are making your role redundant”.   Currently, it feels like this experience is becoming the norm throughout Australia, with many people knowing loved ones or friends if they themselves have not already experienced redundancy directly.    According to a recent media release from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the Australian unemployment rate currently sits at 6.2 per cent.  One of our highest unemployment rates to date and with trends showing minimal decline to that percentage in the near future.

So how does this make us feel? Well, honestly there is no one answer that fits all.  It will depend on which individual you ask and their situation, experience or circumstances around this topic.  Human beings are strong characters and life constantly throws challenges at us, most if not all of those challenges we will overcome in one way or another.  But what if it is our career, our financial security, our passion, our future that is challenged?   If you were told today that you have been disengaged (aka redundant) how would this impact you? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? Or next year?

Having worked in an industry that is currently still going through large downsizing of staff numbers to better streamline the business for a more sustainable future (yes this is an example of what you will get told), I have experienced both sides of the table.   I have been phoned late at night outside office hours to be told “You’ve been disengaged, you have 2 weeks left, your services are no longer required, and please note this is no reflection of your work.” On the flip side, I have had to endure the discomfort and anxiety of waiting to see if your ticket is drawn only to feel a sense of relief that it is not your turn…just yet.   Experiencing my first redundancy (at the time) was absolutely soul crushing to be brutally honest.  Firstly before I explain why, the important note is that I survived it with only a few tears, determination and no scars.  It was a learning experience that made me stronger.   So why was it so hard for me?  Short answer:  I love my career.  My career has been a driving force buried deep inside me since I was a child, always aiming high and wanting to achieve in my professional life.  Secondly, I am a structured person always having goals and a plan, with plan B and C for back up if plan A goes sour.    Suddenly, I have had someone take my career away leaving me to panic, how will I pay the mortgage and the bills? What will I do now? I am so embarrassed. I had two interviews which evolved to two job offers by the end of the week. I commenced in my new role one week post departure of my redundant role.   Suddenly, I felt the stars aligned and I was back in control of my career except I felt bitter and angry for losing a role and team I enjoyed, thinking perhaps no one fought for me, or it was a personal vendetta or various other self-punishing thoughts, Why did he get to stay over me? I worked harder than she ever did, why me and not her?.

As more job cuts were announced over the following 18 months through the business and industry as a whole, I became more aware I was not the only one experiencing this.   I soon come to learn that some people won’t be as lucky as I was in securing another role so quickly and that they will take weeks or months even to line up work.  Furthermore, for some individuals who had retained a position, felt some “survivor” guilt and were unsure how to speak with those colleges who had been made redundant.  With these continuing job cuts looming over everyone’s heads, I noticed the behaviours that colleges started to act out.  Some individuals would always need to make humour of the situation and when asked, “Do you find this situation humorous?”  They would reply that they were actually extremely anxious and humour is their way of trying to stay positive and motivated at work.   Some individuals would try to place blame on others for inaccurate information, take credit for others work, or keep information close to their chest to make them appear indispensable and more hardworking than that of their co-workers in order to retain a position.   Meetings and lunch room banter became focused on rumours and speculations that cuts are looming with all parties in the room wanting answers to the same questions, Will it be me? When will happen?  What will the process be? How much notice will I get?

So how do you manage yourself when you are told there will be a number of roles in your organisation been made redundant in the near future?  Put simply, control what you can control.  As human beings we can exhaust ourselves just with our own worrying thoughts.  Yes, it will be normal to feel potentially anxious, stressed, panicked, emotional, tired or concerned.   It is important to learn to acknowledge those emotions and work through them. It is also important that you try to be mindful of others, although they are experiencing the same situation, their circumstances may vary greatly to yours or they may have different coping mechanisms than yourself.   In summary, the future is unpredictable, and although you can make plans for the short-term, don’t lose faith in your journey if the goal posts get moved.  Instead reassess your game plan and try to remain mindful of those around you.

And always remember to Glo!

K.